From our very own CEO Billy
Ray, this GEM of humor is
brought to you.
________________________________

HOW MANY REPUBLICANS DOES IT
TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB ??

Answer 1.

Republicans don't change light bulbs.
They hire low wage workers to do that.

Answer 2.

TEN
1. One to smear the person who pointed
out that the light bulb needed changing.

2. One to get the wrong light bulb
for the fixture.

3. One to deny there is anything wrong
with the improperly retrieved bulb.

4. One to fire the guy who pointed out
the bulb retrieved was the improper
one.

5. One to suggest building a wall around
the fixture to keep any illegal aliens
from changing it.

6. One to blame Clinton for the first
light bulb burning out.

7. One to blame Clinton for the retrieval
of the incorrect bulb replacement.

8. One to outsource the making of the
ladder to India.

9. One to blame labor unions for the
scarcity of ladders in America.

10. One to wait until the Democrats
are in office to straighten out the
whole mess.

Answer 3.

NONE: they are much more at home
in the darkness !!


Answer 4.
500,019

1. One to convince us the light bulb
isn't being honest and is defying
U.S. resolutions.

2. Four to convince us it has WMD's !!

3. 150,000 to kick the shit out of the
light bulb and then bomb the whole
building to kingdom come!

4. 10 to tell us it's necessary or angry
dark bulbs will follow us home.

5. Then ONE to to give a trillion dollar
no-bid/cost-plus contract to Halliburton
to "reconstruct" the building.

6. One to tell us they need more funding
before they can change the light bulb.

7. One to tell us it is a tough job
that may drag on and on and on.

8. All of them to struggle in vain
to get the dam light bulb to
fit into the friggin photonophobic
socket.

9. One to tell us we have to put up
with the darkness, because it's the
light bulb's own fault for starting
a civil war with the socket and for
not meeting our benchmarks for
"enlightenment".

10. Most of them, to tell us not to
worry because God is the only light
we really need.


Answer 5.
32

1. One to deny that the light bulb
needs to be changed.

2. One to attack the patriotism of
anyone who says the light bulb needs
to be changed.

3. One to blame Clinton for burning
out the light bulb.

4. One to tell the nations of the world
that they are either for changing the
light bulb or they are for darkness.

5. One to give a billion dollar no bid/
cost-plus contract to Halliburton for
the new light bulb.

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush,
dressed as a janitor, standing on a
stepladder under the banner: "Light
Bulb Change Accomplished".

7. One administration insider to resign
and write a book documenting in detail
how Bush was literally in the dark.

8. One to viciously smear #7.

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and
at rallies on how George Bush has had
a strong light bulb changing policy
all along.

10. One to represent the "Light bulb
Twisters for Truth and Justice" in their
claim that Thomas Edison was actually
out of the country when the light bulb
was invented, and that he was in fact,
a cowardly traitor incapable of twisting,
let alone inventing a light bulb.

11. One to create new tax breaks for the
manufacturers of light bulbs to move
its factories overseas.

12. One to suggest that laid-off American
light bulb makers train their foreign
replacements.

13. One to change the name of "light
bulb" to "Devine Light Bulb from Above"

14. One to create a Constitutional Amendment
banning "gays" from screwing light bulbs.

15. One to promote the "trickle down light"
theory; where poor people get scraps of
light from bulbs exclusively screwed in
by the rich.

16. One to say, "We would not comment
comment on, confirm, or deny any elements
of our light bulb changing procedures
in the interest of maintaining the
operational security and integrity
of said procedures, if in fact, those
procedures exist.

17. One to pray for the soul of the
dead light bulb and to remind us that
we must choose a Christian light bulb
as a replacement.

18. One to make the right-wing Pundit
panel TV talk show rounds with the
claim that the light bulb did not burn
out on it's own, but was in fact,
sabotaged by Al Gore in an attempt
to slow global warming -- a clear
act of terrorism in league with
Al Qaeda and the Iran.

19. One to say. "We cannot answer the
question because of there is an ongoing
investigation into why the light bulb
is out."

20. One to look at a videotape of the
old light bulb and say, "I'm an
electrician, and I can tell that the
light bulb is not out. The light bulb
is still on and glowing."

21. One to convene a special emergency
session of Congress to intervene on
behalf of the still-in-socket light bulb,
in orer to get the courts involved with
preventing anyone from removing the light
bulb from its electricity supply.

22. One to announce that the ladder
used to screw the light bulb is now
called "The Freedom Ladder".

23. One to proclaim that we're changing
light bulbs over there so we don't
have to change them over here.

24. One to say: "I don't recall a light
bulb."

25. One surrogage to campaign on TV
and at rallies on how George Bush
has had a strong light bulb changing
policy all along.

26. Finally, Joe Lieberman to confuse
Americans about the difference between
screwing the light bulb and screwing
the country.

27. Who needs a light bulb when you can
get all aglow just by thinking about
Ronald Reagan ??

And there are these quotes about the entire light bulb situation:

GEORGE BUSH:
" That information is covered under
Executive Privilege."

DICK CHENEY:
"We will be welcomed as light bulb liberators"

RUDY GULLIANI:
" I changed a light bulb on 9/11"

JOHN MCCAIN:
"My entire campaign staff has either
quite or been fired, so I sit in the
dark a lot."

MITT ROMNEY:
" I was pro-change before I was pro-light,
but then I changed my mind."

LARRY CRAIG:
" My wide stance won't allow me to stand
on that stool to change the bulb."

But regardless of the number of
Republicans that get involved, the
excuses mount, and the light bulb never
gets changed. They're just waiting for
someone else to do it after Bush
leaves office.